The Rabbit Autopsy

I don't think I'm a regular mom. I'm quite sure of it actually.

In the large grassy area behind our house, there were about 15 kids swarmed around something on the ground. The kids were all saying “EWWWWWWWWWW! GROSSSSS!!! YUCK!!!! DON'T TOUCH IT!!!! I DARE YOU TO TOUCH IT!!!!”.

To this chorus of exclamations, I emerged on the scene from behind the bushes. All the children then gasped in horror at the sight of a mom (any mom, not even their own) being there. They then rapidly dispersed into 8 different directions. Note here that I had not said one word, nothing. I was just standing there, being a mom. Clearly, they were doing something they were not supposed to be doing.

But now that all of the kids were gone, my 6 year old and I looked at each other and I said, "Wonder what'sover there!? Must be something really good!" and off we went, high tailin' it to the spot where the kids had been peering.

And there it was in all its glory: a dead rabbit. But not just dead. Decapitated dead. As in the head was simply clean bitten off, no head whatsoever, everything else was completely intact with just a hole where the head should be. We both gasped in horror, but once we got over the shock factor, we both collapsed into a fit of giggles.

Now. At this point, all "regular" moms would shriek in horror "Boy! Get away from that thing!! It could have germs, it could be toxic, it could have rabies, GET AWAY FROM IT RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!". Then I'd shoo him away (after which he'd of course sneak out of the house unbeknownst to me at some later time to investigate it further). But as I said – I am not a regular mom.

First, I figured if the head was merely missing, it was not likely to be sick or rabid, just a little too slow on the draw. That whole-nature-weeding-out-the-stupid theory. And you know what - a rabbit body with a hole for a head really is funny… and rather interesting. The boy looked at me, I looked at him. He said enthusiastically "If we got a big stick we could cram it down the head hole and see what's down there there".

Two big sticks and 10 minutes later, we had completely ripped the rabbit's guts out. Completely. By holding it down with my stick, we used his stick to pry stuff out from the head hole. We pulled out its heart, lungs, stomach, and intestines. And let me tell you, rabbit intestines are long - although in all fairness, it was a huge rabbit. We tried to stretch them out to see how long they would be, but that was not possible to do without touching it, which even I, as an irregular mom, would not allow. After our full, but crude, autopsy was complete, we buried him - or her, as I'm not sure if that was a uterus or its anal cavity we pulled out.

As we did this, all of the aforementioned 15 kids spied on us from a safe distance away, behind hedges and obviously opaque objects such as soccer goal nets. All of them probably wishing they had a mom like me.

So, this is why I'm not a regular mom. And this is why my kid will be in therapy someday, discussing all of the irregular acts I committed during his tender developmental years. Like eviscerating rabbits with him at age six.