Any other manly types out there, you can feel free to chime in too.... here are my toilet issues:
- Toilet in downstairs hallway. First, it clogs very easily - this has been a long standing problem that gotten worse over time. Second, starting a few weeks ago, when you flush it, the handle stays in the flush and swirl mode, forcing me to push the handle back so that it doesn't constantly flush and swirl.
- Toilet in master bedroom. It is leaking. It fills up constantly (and I mean constantly). A few weeks ago, I shut off the water to it because our water bill spiked up by about 25%!! A flapper valve has been suggested as the problem but my dad replaced it awhile back and it actually got worse. Then again, my dad is a really, really crappy plumber.
- Toilet in Offspring's room. Low suction, you have to hold the handle down for a good 3 seconds (which is a long time if you count it out, try it) to get it to flush. And of course, Offspring never remembers to hold the handle down which means when I go up there, I usually get a big whiff of old rotten disgusting pee. YUCK.
- Toilet in guest room. It doesn't flush. It won't flush no matter what. We - meaning, I - have toilet snaked and plunged the shit out of it (literally and metaphorically), chemical bombed it, and it will flush after that, if you are lucky, one time and then it craps out (metaphorically) and won't flush anything. Even if you just pee and throw the paper away, it won't even flush down liquid. It has never flushed right, not since the day we bought this place 3 years ago. Of course, it flushed once ... to pass inspection.
- Toilet in other guest room: same issue as Offspring's toilet.
So, who do I call (besides Ghost Busters)? They each seem to have slightly different problems so I don't want to waste money calling a plumber to look at all of them if a plumber only fixes problems of a subset of our toilets. Ditto Roto Rooter. Or should I call one or the other first, see what they can do and then call the other for anything that doesn't get fixed? Or is there some other type of handyman I should call?
Thank you in advance to all of you plumbing types for your consideration of my request for information so as to preserve my friggin' SANITY!
Yesterday I asked Offspring to help me clean up. The house was a disaster to say the least and I needed all hands on deck. He groused about for a few minutes, 10%-heartedly picking things up then standing around looking glum. He brightened up though as he came over and told me
I think that whoever makes the mess should have to clean it up
Ohhhh, you do? Well then, I think whoever lives here should have to pay the mortgage. And whoever lives here has to pay for food. And the gas bill. And the electric bill. And the cable bill. And the ....
As I went on and on, he got madder and madder. Then, in a Christmas Story style fudge word sort of way said ....
You shut your big fat mouth lady!
Silence.
More silence.
At this point, he is lucky to be alive.
Then I sent him to the corner and berated him for a good 5 minutes about how massively unacceptable it was for him to say that to me. While he was there I also decided that he could not have a sleepover with his best buddy that night - something he'd been looking forward to all weekend. I told him that when he got out of the corner and he went ballistic with tears and dramatic moaning about how much he hates the world and hates me, hates me, hates me.
No matter what mom, from this day forward, I am going to always like you just a little bit less than I did before now. Hrumph!
With that he turned on his heel and went upstairs. Score one for Offspring cause ok, that one dug in a bit. Sniffle.
Then I sent him upstairs to chill out (and partially so that he would remain alive). He came back down the stairs a few minutes later looking like he had something to say to me. Big round eyes, big pouty lips - he says:
Mom? I think maybe I've been reading a little too much Garfield.
Huh?
Well, because that's something that Garfield would say. He's very disrespectful.
Nice try kid.
For Thanksgiving this year, we went to the boondocks of Virginia. We had to drive over some small mountains, really just big hills, but for us in flat land, they seemed pretty big. As we approached them, Offspring's eyes got huge and he said 'wowwwww' ... I told him that we were going to drive over them to get to where we were going and he sat in awe for a few minutes. I could see the wheels turning, then he said in a very serious voice "Mom? Do you think we're going to need oxygen masks?"
