Please fax to:

Today in the mail I received a form to fill out. Its 14 pages, so its a helluva a form. At any rate, the letter with it says, approximately:


Dear Person With Nothing Better To Do, 

Attached is a form. It is really long. It is repetitive and much of it does not even apply to your situation. Despite this, you must fill it out. Yes, all of it, yes it is 14 pages long (excluding instructions, warnings, precuations and legal liability waiver disclaimers on pages (i) - (iv). 

Once it is completed, please fax this form to 1-666-FAX-HERE. It is extremely important that you fax this to the correct number, so again, please ensure that you fax this form to 1-666-FAX-DIFFERENT#. If this form is sent to the wrong fax number, your claim will not be processed and there will be a substantial delay on the processing of your claim. 

With Our Best Regards, 

The Company Who Hopes You'll Give Up and Just Not Send It In 

Then the best part - on the form itself is yet a third different fax number that is listed as the fax number to use. And I'm still wondering if the claim will not be processed or if it will be but there will be a delay in processing it. So what do I do? Fax to all 3 numbers and then they'll say that I have multiple claims and delete them all? Flip a 3 sided coin and send to the winning phone number?

I wish I was kidding.

Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom!!!!!!!!

I have been sitting out on the back porch for several hours. Offspring and Best Friend were out in the field playing some sort of ball game. I went in to get something from the bedroom when I heard approaching the house, then in the house:

MOM!MOM!MOM!MOM!MOM!MOM!MOM!MOM!!!!!!!

Alarmed, I ran out to find out what was the matter and I saw his face - plastered with the biggest grin and full of excitement, his eyes wide open:


MOM!!! IT'S THE ICE CREAM TRUCK MOM! THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!!!!!!!! QUICK!!! WE NEED SOME MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never have cash on me (because I tend to spend it if I have it), so I rummaged about until I found Offspring's piggy bank, which is actually a jar that is painted with a pumpkin for Halloween, and dug out $3 worth of quarters. He kept saying hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry mom!!!jumping from foot to foot. I assured him that between a) Best Friend standing out there holding the truck and b) the man seeing me - a mother being held hostage to the sounds of the ice cream truck - on the steps digging out m0ney, that the truck would not leave, that the ice cream truck man is a savvy salesperson and would never leave such a sweet situation.

After I handed him the quarters, he sprinted as if his life depended on it back out to the field where Best Friend was looking back like "HURRY UP DUDE!" and they both got popsicles. They were tres pleased with themselves and ate them with a substantial amount of glee. 

Offspring has never actually bought ice cream from an ice cream truckbecause they freak me out, but I decided (apparently in the heat of the moment) that it would be ok to purchase a sealed confectionary item while they were both in plain sight. And now I'll let him in the future because he was SO excited, in the way that only an 8 year old can be excited. I told him to go throw away the stick when he washed his hands, but he said "no, mom - I'm going to keep this stick forever. It is my first ice-cream-truck-ice-cream EVER!" with the hugest most happy look on his face. 

I love my kid. He makes my world happy. 

But now I owe him $3.