Under my desk is where I kick off my shoes

Can you tell?

HOW much did you say???

I dropped our external hard drive about a year ago, and I didn't bother getting it fixed because we couldn't afford it at the time and also, it wasn't really pressing that we fix it right away.  I mean, I knew we'd have to fix it eventually because it has gobs of photos on it that are not anywhere else, but it wasn't at the top of the spend-money-on priority list.  But, this new consulting gig I have, I really need some templates of stuff I've done in the past and they are on that hard drive.  So I called around today and did some investigating ... and get this: it is going to cost between $700-$2400 to fix it.  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

< insert me falling over here >

I think I'm going to stand on a street corner tonight with a low cut shirt and stillettos.

I am a consultant

And I just love this poster.  It is so true.  Check out House of Lies on Showtime, its about management consultants (the worst of the worst in terms of consultants) - it utterly HILARIOUS.  Raunchy, but hilarious

The Elegant Universe

We have been listening to The Elegant Universe by Brian Greene, an acclaimed theoretical physicist.  It is about string theory, and how it relates to Einstein's general relativity (the laws of the very very large) and quantum mechanics (the laws of the very very small). These two sets of laws rule our universe - but hold on, get this! These two sets of laws conflict.  Its as if we were living in a city with one set of traffic laws for bikes and pedestrians and one set of laws for cars and trucks.  Bottom line, that just doesn't work.  And the fact that general relativity and quantum mechanics mix like oil and water is somewhat of an embarrassment to the physics establishment.  Furthermore, there are four forces in the universe: the gravitational force, the electromagnetic force, the strong nuclear force and the weak nuclear force.  Physicists in the 80s and 90s won Noble prizes for unifying 3 of the 4 forces: all but gravity.  But yet gravity has yet to be incorporated into the fundamental forces of the universe.  Into that, and with that embarrassing little traffic problem I described, comes string theory. String theory, at its heart, says that point particle physics is not the way to look at the world - that the world does not come down to a set of billiard balls that can be infinitely subdivided.  But rather, the smallest unit in the universe is a vibrating strand of energy called a string.  String theory, if correct, requires 11 dimensions (10 regular dimensions + time), but unifies general relativity and quantum mechanics.  If I told you any more, I'd have to charge you tuition. 

We listen to it at night, at bedtime.  It is tough listening though, it is not easy stuff to understand by any stretch.  We have learned about quarks, bosons, selections, kalabee-yow shapes, mirror spaces, flip transformations, and all other manner of strange mathematical gyrations.  I actually tried to read the book, several times, but my eyes kept crossing in front of me and I couldn't get through it, but I was determined to learn it, so I downloaded it and started listening on audio.  I figured I would have Offspring listen with me, and I have been shocked that he understands it just as well, sometimes better, as his multi-math degreed mother. As in dude, I have a PhD in a quantitative science, a masters in a math field and an undergrad in math.  Its then amazing to hear him say "mom, turn it off because it is SO interesting that I can't fall asleep, its too exciting!".  I took electromag, quantum mechanics and lots of physics classes in college and yet I still find it difficult to follow, but my 5th grader is keeping right up with me.  Several times as we listen, I will say "huh?" out loud, only to have him succinctly summarize for me what I was confused about (often just before the narrator then summarizes it, and says precisely the same thing that Offspring just said).  

I love that kid.  Me thinks he's gonna be a smart one. 

Letter Offspring sent in the snail mail to Lego yesterday

Offspring Lastname

Our address

Our city, state

Our zip code

Lego

555 Taylor Road


P.O. Box 1138


Enfield, CT

06083-1138
USA

Dear Lego City,

My name is Offspring. I am eleven years old, and I love Legos. I have some advice for Lego City.I think that Lego City should sell more medical things like, hospitals, or ambulances, or paramedics. I think that Lego City would make more money and those sets would be fun to play with.

From,

Offspring Last Name 

A funny thing happened on the way to the theatre......

Offspring has been looking forward to Feb 10th, 2012 forever because that's the day Star Wars Episode I in 3D comes out.  I figured it would be jammed packed at the theatre, so I bought tickets online in advance, and we left at 6:15 for a 7 pm movie, because I wanted to have plenty of time to snag the h/c seats.  We went outside and as we have done gad zillions of times before, we got Wheeler onto the ramp.  Here's how it usually goes:

Instead, when he rolled into the van, he hit his head on the top of the door jam going in.  This was strange because, well, he never hits his head there.  I have to back up a bit though to give some background.  Wheeler's chair is so tall that he cannot fit into the opening of the van on the ramp unless he reclines some.  As such, he reclines and rolls in, then sits up and finishes rolling into the van and positioning himself so that I can tie down the wheelchair. So when he hit his head, I figured that he must have forgotten to recline and that's why he was too tall to fit in the van.

So now he's chin to chest, pinned down pretty much, and stuck.  He obviously can't roll backwards, that would chop his head off. He is pinned so tightly that I don't think he can even roll forwards, so we sit there and think.  I decide that the best thing to do would be for me to climb through the front seat, get out, disengage the chair so that I can roll it (when he is driving it, its not possible to just pull it, you have to move a lever on the bottom so that it can roll freely) out enough for him to recline further.

But he says that he thinks he can drive forward, so stupidly, I agree.  This is what resulted:

His chair CLIMBED up and OVER one of the flip-up guards at the end of the ramp (not pictured because I suck at drawing) that are supposed to stop him from falling off the ramp.  Well, they would have except that the chair climbed over it.  The picture is simplified (see suck at drawing comment), but what happened is that his left front tire was dangling in space, hanging over the side of the ramp.  The left front tire was driven up about half way over the flip guard, but wasn't totally over the flip guard.  That was what saved his life - that that 2nd tire didn't go completely over.  Somehow he managed to stop the chair and we all just froze in place with his chair dangling over the edge, crooked. Realizing just how close to death he came (<---- not hyperbole, if he'd gone face first onto the concrete, in a 350 pound wheelchair, he would have died).

Now we had to figure out how to get him down.  Because his front wheel was totally over the flip-up guard, and it was wedged under his wheel, so if I let the ramp down, it was wedge even further.  But there wasn't really any other choice but to lower the ramp, so I did, and as I thought, it wedged on the ground.  At that point, I disengaged the chair and pushed with all my might and to my utter shock, I was able to push his wheel up and over the guard and his chair was now back on the ramp.  I raised the lift up some, then lowered it all the way to the ground, where the flip guards laid down flat to allow him to roll off the ramp, just as they are supposed to.  Which he did.  

Then we all stood there and looked at each other.  

Eventually we figured out what had happened.  Earlier in the day, Wheeler had been at his desk, playing on his computer.  To do so, he has to raise the seat of his chair up a little, so that he is at the right height for the desk.  Unfortunately, he forgot to lower his chair and that's why he got wedged in the door jam when he got in the van.  So he lowered his chair, we tried it again, all went well and we went to the movies. 

But as Wheeler summarized once we got all situated in the van finally, "Anyone need a change of pants?"

Downward Facing Dog

Dogs on a yoga mat.  One in corpse pose, one in sitting dog position.