The most embarrassing thing and a VERY itchy head

Offspring is at that age where he is obsessed with what makes people embarrassed, and all of the what-ifs scenarios. What if you barfed in front of the President? What if you peed your pants because you laughed so hard? What if you tripped and fell right on your face in front of everyone at your work? And so on. He's clearly in that stage, the one where he's starting to be self conscious. So yesterday when he asked the same question he'd asked 1000 times already, I was pretty sure I knew how the conversation would go.

Mom? What would be THE most embarrassing thing EVER to happen to you?
Ummmm, I dunno.

Well, *I* know what would be the most embarrassing thing ever for you.
Ummm. Ok. What would that be?
If you were a college professor, and you were up in front of hundreds - no a thousand! - students, and they were all looking at you, just staring at you, and it was just you up there .....
(inwardly groaning here, knowing what he was going to say)

.... and you opened your mouth to talk and you used poor grammar!!! Mom, you would totally die of embarrassment!
Ahhhh, my son does know me well. Poor grammar (as opposed to bad grammar) is a huge pet peeve of mine. I am constantly correcting him on verbal and written uses of words, especially adverbs versus adjectives. One doesn't run slow, but slowly (this reminds me of the entry about Offspring's grammar gun). I do find it interesting though that he said something about being a college professor - my mind must be projecting my desires to switch back to academics.

On another note entirely, Wheeler has a completely bald head now. On Sunday, after we got back from dinner, he asked me to look at his head and scratch it, because it was making him absolutely bonkers, itchy - super itchy all the time. I put him directly from his chair into the shower chair, which makes it much easier to have a panoramic view of his entire head. I could see lots of fiery red bumps and I was shocked at how many there were. As we've learned from the past, where there's smoke there's fire, so I suggested that we shave his head completely so that I could get a truly clear view and then treat it with my variety of potions and lotions. He agreed, so I shaved him completely.


Oh. My. God.

I was so incredibly horrified. His ENTIRE head was a fiery mass of angry red bumps, scattered absolutely everywhere, all over his head. The bumps I could see were maybe 10% of the ones that were there. I cringed inwardly thinking how much this much this must have been hurting him, and that he'd been suffering in silence. I still just can't imagine how horrible it must have been for him. I couldn't even bring myself to take a picture of his head to show him, which I normally do for all manner of things - pressure sores, infections, whatever, since he is physically unable to see most of his body (ask QuadCat, I photographed his pressure sore every day to track its progress). I - mistress of never being bothered by anything - couldn't even take a photo to show him, it was that bad.

First, I scratched the everlovinshit out of his head - after which I nearly had to hand him a cigarette because he kept saying ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhh ohhhhhhh ooooooooohhhh with a scandalous look of bliss on his face. Then I used Nizoral (ketoconazole based) shampoo on his head. I scrubbed it in really well, massaging it into his scalp, over and over and over again. I left him out of the shower, washed him up without the water running so that the shampoo could work its magic for longer. After I let it sit for about 10 mins, I washed it off, finished up his shower, and dried him.

At that point I was torn on what to put on next. Hydrocortisone would quiet down the incredible itching and inflammation, but this rash (based on experience) was almost certainly a fungal infection on his scalp. Hydrocortisone is a steroid, and fungal infections feed on steroids. If you aren't careful, putting a powerful steroid on a fungal infection can light it absolutely on fire. But, if I put on just an anti-fungal without a steroid, it would take at least a day for the itching to decline - and after seeing the angry rash, I couldn't deal with the thought of him being that itchy any longer. I gambled and put on a hearty layer of Rx strength hydrocortisone and then for good measure, smeared lidocaine all over the scalp.


Lidocaine deadens sensation - just like novacaine for dental work. In topical form, its used for cathing and all sorts of other applications, so we always have lots of it on hand. It has handy for intense itching because it just physically blocks the sensation. Unfortunately the effect is short lived and you can't put on more than about a quarter size dollop over the skin in any 4-5 hour period because high doses of absorbed lidocaine can cause seizures and even death. But, I could at least deaden the itching for 20-30 minutes after the shower and by then the hydrocortisone should start to quell the inflammation.

After putting on the hydrocortisone and lidocaine on, I put him in bed, babied him to death because I felt soooo badly for him, and then gave him oral fluconazole to try to fight the fungal infection from the inside out to balance against the topical hydrocortisone. A few years ago we battled fungal infections from hell on his head, his crotch, in the webbing of his toes and fingers, his armpits, anywhere it was dark and most - and the strains he had became resistant to absolutely everything Rx. It has been quite a long time since he had a serious infection though, so I hoped the fluconazole would be effective.

Well, whichever worked, I don't care because it worked. By Monday morning, his head was significantly better. I could see where the rash had been, but all of the pustules were gone, and the skin was basically just mottled from where the rash had been, but wasn't now. Since then I've been watching it like a hawk, and I've transitioned off of using hydrocortisone during the first 12 hours to using topical antifungals. So far, so good. And no matter how long I live next to a spinal cord injury, I will never, ever have a clue what it means to have one. Poor Wheeler. My ant bites seem rather inconsequential now ... perspective is important.