If you know me, you know what that means. Yes, I went there. There-there. The first circle of hell was driving there realizing what an ethical breach I was making by shopping there. The 2nd and 3rd circles were literal - trying to park while fighting to get away from people who fervently believed that the 79th -from-the-front and 83rd-from-the-front parking spaces were exceptionally worth crashing one's car over. So after I parked about 1.3 miles away in another parking lot altogether (somehow it made me feel less dirty about it all), I approached it. It-it. Wwww. No, I can't say it yet.
As I enter (name here), the 4th circle appeared. I see this woman right in front of me wearing super extra duper super tight leggings. They showed every single jiggle, jangle and wiggle waggle of her ummm, "ample" thighs and legs. Over this was a very old and ripped plaid shirt that obviously belonged to her husband about 2 decades ago. He was next to her wearing an equally appalling outfit. Their kid then promptly ran me down on those godforsaken things called heelies. I wanted to shout "I HAVE A HEAD INJURY, GET AWAY YE DEVIL, AWAY!!"
I then go in, get my items quickly - of which the primary one I had to get, an Rx prescription, was not attainable because the pharmacy was closed (the 5th circle, I had gone here in vain). WTF? If there is any place on earth where a pharmacy would be open on say, Christmas Day at 3 am, it would be .. wahhh. wwww... no, can't do it yet.
Taking a deep breath, I approached the 6th circle of hell (I think 5-1/2 was somewhere around the guy elbowing me out of the way to get cold medicine, who then promptly turned around and *sneezed* on me. thankyousomuchsir). The checkouts. There were 21 regular ones, 8 express and 8 self checkouts. Of those that were open, there were a minimum of 4 giant carts awaiting their turns to be rung up. So I waited patiently, browsing impulse items, seeing HOW STARS LOSE 10 POUNDS IN TWO DAYS!! and finally it was my turn. $53 later (how can bandages cost this much?) I started to leave, much to my relief.
Then, the 7th circle appeared right in front of me. The security guy. Wearing some faux intimidating stupid ass wannabe police type outfit (I am sooooooo not fooled), he asked me for my receipt. I replied "why? do you think I stole something?". And he said "Policy ma'am". I said "it's a bad one" and waltzed right out as he shouted after me. I figured he could tackle me to the ground and check my receipt to find that I am, indeed, an upstanding non-thieving citizen or he could just kiss my ass. He chose the latter.
Alright then, I think I'm ready to say it. Big breath. Please don't hate me. I am ashamed, really, I am.
I went to Wal Mart
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