Schools dismiss early for safety

The local news station had this headline today after the schools closed due to predicted snow and ice: "Safety tops reasons for early school dismissals" 

Really?  Seriously??  Safety tops reasons?  Nothing like being MR. OBVIOUS!!  What other reasons are there?  Seriously people?!  I'm imagining these headlines instead:

• Students nag, teachers give in; schools dismiss early
• Teachers complain they have inadequate time to spend their salaries; schools dismiss early
• "No one wanted to be there anyway" says principal; schools dismiss early
• NC teachers run out of things to teach; schools dismiss early
• January white sale lures school children and staff alike; school dismiss early
• Mutiny. Shools dismiss early.
• In a stunning coincidence, 95% of students and staff have a dental appointment today; schools dismiss early
• Citing a desire to get a jump on the weekend, schools dismiss early
• Unexpected spring fever outbreak causes schools to dismiss early
• Citing the need for additional unstructured playtime for their students, schools dismiss early
• Citing unity with part time workers, schools dismiss early
• In an effort to teach the war strategy of "retreat", schools dismiss early
• Teachers quit their day jobs; schools dismiss early

and the REAL headline should have been ....

• In an effort to muck up parents' lives and wreak as much scheduling havoc as possible - SCHOOLS DISMISS EARLY!