Me versus the self checkout machine

I hate the self checkout at the grocery store, I really do.  I never, ever use it if I can avoid it.  Even if I have only a few things, I will gladly stand in a long line behind people with a giant cartload of things because I hate self checkouts, and more saliently, they hate me.  They really do, I'm not making that up.  Today I had no choice though; I went to the store and there were no checkers available; I was forced to use the self checkouts with my 12 items.

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Me: stare at it with trepidation

Me: take deep breath

It: stares back at me menacingly, taunting me

Me: key in my phone number

It: doesn't recognize it, arches its eyebrows at me

SCORE 0-1, me-it

Me: type in another phone number

It: beeps

SCORE 1-1, me-it

Me: swipe my first item

It: silence

SCORE 1-2, me-it

Me: swipe it again

It: silence

SCORE 1-3, me-it

Me: try again

It: beep

Me: AH-HA!!

SCORE 2-3, me-it

Me: place thingy in bag

It: objects furiously telling me to take item off weigher area and to wait for assistance

Me: I remove it and wait

Me: I wait

Me: I wait suh mo

Me: No one comes

SCORE 2-4, me-it

Me: Still no one comes

Me: I swipe it again.

It: beep

Me: I put it in the bag

It:  objects furiously telling me to take item off weigher area and to wait for assistance

Me: I remove it and wait

Me: I wait

Me: I wait suh mo

Me: No one comes

SCORE 2-5, me-it

Me: I let out primal ARGHHHHHHH that I'm pretty sure was heard in the meat section in the back.

Me: Swipe item again.

It: beep (apparently scared by my yell)

Me: I place item in bag

It: silence (ahhhh)

SCORE 3-5, me-it

Me: Swipe next item

It: beep

Me: Swipe next item

It: Please place previous item on the weigher

Me: I ALREADY DID YOU PIECE OF SHHHH....

REVISED SCORE: 2-6, me-it


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The end score ended up something around 12-738.

Have I mentioned how much I hate self check out lines?  It took me, no kidding, about 10 minutes to purchase my 12 items.  I'm still not sure that I actually either paid for everything or didn't pay for something twice.  I didn't look at my receipt because I didn't really want to know; perhaps the score was 11-739, or 13 to 737.  Grocery store checker-outer is clearly not in my career future.