Me versus the cockroach

Can I just say that cockroaches scare the crap-ze-ola outta me. As in, huge eyes, rapid heartrate, constricted blood flow to the brain, doe in the headlights, screaming banshee SCARED of cockroaches. Maybe it's just disgusted? No, I'm outright scared of them. The mere thought of one touching me, much less crawling on me makes me twitch uncontrollably and brush my self off with my hands. And since Wheeler has that little problem called complete and total paralysis from the shoulders down, I have had to become bug killer extraordinaire. Including cockroaches. THIS WAS NOT IN MY LIFE PLAN!!!!!!!! Bugs. *shudder* 


I have managed to conquer my phobia to bees and other flying insects enough to kill them with chemical, mechanical or aquatic means.  But cockroaches are where I draw the line. I am completely phobic about them. But if I see one and I do not hunt it down like a dog and kill it, then it will be in my house forever.  And it might CRAWL ONTO ME OHMYGOD! So I have no choice but to find it and kill it myself. 


Recently, I have seen a huge cockroach in our master bedroom 2 times now. The first time it got away before I got get a large object to smash it with (there ain't no way on the face of the planet I would squish it with my hands no matter how desperate I got, that baby would get to snuggle up in bed with me before I smushed it with my hands).  But last night, when that sucker made his second appearance, I was prepared. I had shoes and books all over the bathroom ready to pick up and kill from any position at any time.  So when I spied him, I slowly picked up the nearest shoe and I whammed him with all my might. Confident that I'd be writing his (probably lengthy given his size) obituary, I put the shoe down.  


Then that little sucker started to crawl away!!!!!!!! 


I whammed him again - even harder. He STILL kept crawling, so I stood on him (shoes on of course) and ground him into the tile till he was a mushy pulp. But EVEN THEN this bug twitched an antennae when I moved my gazillions times his body mass me off of him, so I scooped him up with toilet paper and flushed him down the toilet. Then I flushed again in case he knew how to swim. Then once more to ensure his safe passage to the sewage system. And then one last time for good measure.

I proceeded to wash my hands and arms with a most vigorous effort even though I hadn't even touched him technically. It just made my skin crawl at the thought. Then I took the shoe outside and it's been sitting there ever since. Do you think incineration would be enough to get the bug juice off of it?

Shudder.

There are gads of advantages to being married to a quad, but that is one DEFINITE downside. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-yuck.