I don't think I'm a regular
mom. I'm quite sure of it actually.
In the large grassy area
behind our house, there were about 15 kids swarmed around something on the
ground. The kids were all saying “EWWWWWWWWWW! GROSSSSS!!! YUCK!!!! DON'T TOUCH
IT!!!! I DARE YOU TO TOUCH IT!!!!”.
To this chorus of
exclamations, I emerged on the scene from behind the bushes. All the children
then gasped in horror at the sight of a mom (any mom, not even their own) being
there. They then rapidly dispersed into 8 different directions. Note here that
I had not said one word, nothing. I was just standing there, being a mom. Clearly,
they were doing something they were not supposed to be doing.
But now that all of the kids
were gone, my 6 year old and I looked at each other and I said, "Wonder
what'sover there!? Must be something really good!" and off we went, high
tailin' it to the spot where the kids had been peering.
And there it was in all its
glory: a dead rabbit. But not just dead. Decapitated dead. As in the head was simply
clean bitten off, no head whatsoever, everything else was completely intact
with just a hole where the head should be. We both gasped in horror, but once
we got over the shock factor, we both collapsed into a fit of giggles.
Now. At this point, all
"regular" moms would shriek in horror "Boy! Get away from that
thing!! It could have germs, it could be toxic, it could have rabies, GET AWAY
FROM IT RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!". Then I'd shoo him away (after which he'd of
course sneak out of the house unbeknownst to me at some later time to
investigate it further). But as I said – I am not a regular mom.
First, I figured if the head
was merely missing, it was not likely to be sick or rabid, just a little too
slow on the draw. That whole-nature-weeding-out-the-stupid theory. And you know
what - a rabbit body with a hole for a head really is funny… and rather interesting.
The boy looked at me, I looked at him. He said enthusiastically "If we got
a big stick we could cram it down the head hole and see what's down there
there".
Two big sticks and 10
minutes later, we had completely ripped the rabbit's guts out. Completely. By
holding it down with my stick, we used his stick to pry stuff out from the head
hole. We pulled out its heart, lungs, stomach, and intestines. And let me tell
you, rabbit intestines are long - although in all fairness, it was a huge
rabbit. We tried to stretch them out to see how long they would be, but that
was not possible to do without touching it, which even I, as an irregular mom,
would not allow. After our full, but crude, autopsy was complete, we buried him
- or her, as I'm not sure if that was a uterus or its anal cavity we pulled
out.
As we did this, all of the aforementioned
15 kids spied on us from a safe distance away, behind hedges and obviously
opaque objects such as soccer goal nets. All of them probably wishing they had
a mom like me.
So, this is why I'm not a
regular mom. And this is why my kid will be in therapy someday, discussing all
of the irregular acts I committed during his tender developmental years. Like
eviscerating rabbits with him at age six.